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[17 Nov 2009|11:14pm] |
1. This is open to Connelly can creep away.
2. Sometimes I think about how bad ass I seem. I have tattoos, piercings, and I was hospitalized twice. I wish I was as bad ass as I seem to be :(
3. I told one person, and I will never ever ever repeat it, or let it formulate further in my mind. I needed it out of my head so I can stop thinking about it and move on. Done.
4. First time tonight in a while.
5. I know what you were thinking. I know why you were thinking it. That's all I'm going to say.
6. Everyone talks to me. Who can I talk to?
7. I've picked up yet another admirer. Wtf. Note to self - stop talking to boys.
8. Ever since I found out what you said, I've been getting annoyed with you way faster. I think you've been demoted as a friend of mine.
9. Could I be more ambiguous?
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[09 Nov 2009|06:51pm] |
Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a room with padded walls. I died there. They buried me with bugs. Bugs? They make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once...
I was getting kind of offended last class with all their talk of "crazy people" AKA people with mental disorders. And how they kept confusing schizophrenia with dissociative identity disorder; not that those effect me, but still. It was all very derogatory towards people who have mental afflictions. I don't like being called crazy because my brain chemicals and your brain chemicals aren't the same.
I'm researching 'depersonalization' and 'derealization' for a paper and holy shit, now I know what's up when it feels like I'm looking down at my body, or I feel like I'm watching my life as if it were a tv show. Good to know!
In Other News:
1. Ingersoll!? Really?!
2. I am procrastinating hxc right now lol.
3. He's cool. In a non-sexual way. In a completely platonic way. So stop. x2
4. I really enjoy being around him, but it reminds me of why we broke up, and I'm happy about that. I'm happy to have him as a friend.
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[02 Nov 2009|06:13pm] |
So I can't bring myself to concentrate on homework.
1. I miss our friendship.
2. Lol @ you deleting me as a friend on facebook. Ooh, you've proved your point. You're mad at me. I cared for a bit, but now I really don't. Your little freak out at the party just proved to everyone that you've become a massive drama queen. Also, as if I'm going to apologize for something you over reacted about.
3. I know you still like me, and I know you don't like him, but you're going to have to deal. I'm not breaking up with him, and even if I did, I wouldn't be with you. Sorry.
4. When I was scared/upset and needed you, you weren't there. That's what it all boils down to.
5. I said something I shouldn't have, and now I'm terrified that you'll find out.
6. As for what you told me, I know it's not true. I know you just want something you don't have, and I also know that you'll never get what you want this way. I wish you would listen to what I say and not just immediately think I'm wrong because it's not what you think. I really want you to be happy, but I don't want you to think you're happy when you're really just settling. x2 But I could be wrong, and I really hope I am.
7. You get two. It really annoyed me when I heard what you said to him. You're a good friend, can't you at least be civil to my boyfriend? And stop acting like a jealous douchebag? kthx
8. WAKE THE FUCK UP AND SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU. Stop being a pussy and say what needs to be said.
9. Please just like me as a friend, that's all I want from you. You're really cool and I don't want things to be awkward.
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[14 Oct 2009|03:34pm] |
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So I can't believe it actually happened.. I wanted it to happen soo badly but I still can't believe it.. hopefully it lasts this time :) He makes me hella happy ♥
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[04 Oct 2009|07:47pm] |
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I saw the look on your face when I was with him last night, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to start liking me.
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[24 Sep 2009|09:49am] |
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1. Seeing him yesterday was pretty horrible
Even though it was just a quick eye contact moment
He's my worst mistake personified
I had a dream he accused me of stalking him
& then I beat him up.
2. He is super hot, but not who I thought he was initially
But who was I trying to kid anyway
There's only one boy on my mind right now.
3. He's such an open book
There were looks of complete adoration
That makes me happy&sad at the same time
Right now I'll take what I can get
I thought it was diminishing
But it's not at all.
how are you friends with him again.
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[16 Sep 2009|04:47pm] |
Two 11 page documents, read & summarize
Two twenty page chapters, read & summarize
One more chapter with 25 pages, read & answer questions
Three cases, read & summarize
Due Tomorrow
On top of this, read a reference document on same-sex marriages and answer 5 questions, worth 20 marks each
Due in a week.
Someone remind me why I signed up for this class?
If I'm a liar
& you're a thief
at least we both know where the other one sleeps
& let's end this tonight
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[10 Sep 2009|06:58pm] |
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I have to stop letting him do this to me.
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[09 Sep 2009|10:31pm] |
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It sucks keeping this all in when all I want to do is discuss it fully with someone who will listen and not judge me.
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[04 Sep 2009|09:24pm] |
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I'm very stoked I got into the university
but I can't pretend there isn't an ulterior motive for that
& I kinda hate it.
I would give anything to put the past into the past and leave it there.
However;
things have been easier recently, even if I don't seem like it.
Hopefully everything just keeps going uphill.
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[26 Aug 2009|12:44am] |
1. I am nothing more than a cliché.
2. How do I lose so many friends so fast?
3. :(
4. As for Saturday night - well we all knew it was going to happen, let's be serious.
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[19 Aug 2009|04:33pm] |
This is bullshit.
I'm not going to sit around and wait for him anymore.
I shouldn't have been doing it in the first place.
I'm sick of feeling like I'm not good enough
I deserve better than this.
in other news..
Say Anything = greatest band ever.
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[13 Aug 2009|05:33pm] |
I am so getting my eyes scratched out for this.
( Total Revenge )
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[01 Aug 2009|12:58pm] |
I don't need no arms around me
and I don't need no drugs to calm me
I have seen the writing on the wall
Don't think I need anything at all
No
Don't think I need anything at all
All in all, it was all just bricks in the wall
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[30 Jul 2009|12:04pm] |
I'm only going to do it to annoy him
He knows that too
And I know it'll work
He's too easy, it's hardly fun anymore.
Whatever, he can't care
The fact that he told Connelly to prevent me from doing it is bullshit
It guarantees that I will do it
He made it not his business to care who I'm with when we broke up.
They're both being douche bags right now
I hate boys
I need a guy friend who will:
a) like me as only a friend
b) actually ask me to hang out instead of relying on me to ask.
Is this such a hard thing to ask?
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[27 Jul 2009|09:00pm] |
New WHY? cd leaked!
Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
I think I'm going to grow my hair out.
I've had enough of this short hair stuff.
Back in the day of my photo manipulation phase circa 2008. Kind of heart breaking now.
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[24 Jul 2009|03:31pm] |
I hate that it's always me that asks him to hang out.
I know he's bad at planning things but at the same time how difficult is it to send someone a text?
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[13 Jul 2009|11:25am] |
Things To Comment On:
1. HARRY POTTER OMG ♥
2. Life has gotten a little better recently. The downs have been happening less frequently.
3. I've decided I'm not going back to therapy.
4. It was really really really awesome to see Jersh again. I forgot how much I love talking to him.
5. Still not sure about school.
6. Not sure about this job anymore.
7. I love my friends :)
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[27 Jun 2009|05:51pm] |
Dear World,
Stop it.
Just, stop it.
Things are already hard enough for me to deal with.
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[17 Jun 2009|06:18pm] |
What am I going to do without my brother :(
*sigh*
I feel like this isn't my body
I feel like when I see my reflection, or look down and see my hands/body, it's not mine, my mind is separate from my body. I don't know how to join the two. I don't know how to convince myself that this is the real world, and I have to be apart of it.
While I'm alive, I don't feel alive
and what's next, I guess I'll know when I've gotten there.
I take 14 pills a day, you'd think that they would do something for me.
Oh, and something I can't say on msn/texts/conversations:
FUCK YOU
stop doing this to me
it hurts, and it makes it that much harder to not be with you
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